Cause It's You
by E. Nergetic
Summary: "Down, down in my bones, somewhere I'd never have known, right at the back of my head...it hit me like a beam of light, hit me like a hook with a right, and I could have fell to the floor. 'Cause you talk to me and it comes off the walls, you talk to me and it goes over my head. So let's go to bed before you say something real, let's go to bed before you say how you feel..."
1. Chapter One

**Hi!**

 **I just have to say, I love this fandom! You guys are the best!**

 **So this story is sort of a companion to another one of my stories titled _It's Always You_. This one can definitely stand alone, though! Basically it's the same story from Jess' point of view, where as _It's Always You_ is from Nick's point of view. Just like the last one, this one grew so quickly I had to split it into three parts. In fact, this one's quite a bit longer than _It's Always You_ (which is really not surprising since Jess tends to have much more to say than Nick hahaha).**

 **For those of you who have already read _It's Always You,_ I really hope you enjoy this! Also I want to point out that there are some parts that are almost word-for-word the same between _It's Always You_ and this one. That's done intentionally. I feel like Nick and Jess think fairly similarly in certain situations and I also think there are moments when they think the exact same thing at the exact same time.**

 **Sigh. I love them.**

 **The title and summary are inspired by the song "I Always Knew" by The Vaccines, which is the song that plays at the end of the Season 2 finale. It's an awesome song! You should definitely check it out!**

 **I don't own New Girl or anything else you might recognize!**

* * *

 **'Cause It's You**

 **Chapter One**

 **November 27, 2015**

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The first time Jess ever sees Spencer, she's absolutely mesmerized by his hair.

It's kind of weird, because she's never really been into guys with really long hair, but there's something about the way this guy carries himself that kind of makes it work. She's at some bar she's never been to before because she couldn't quite remember where that one bar she and Cece went to the night she ended up sleeping with Teddy was. She needed a place to study for her final that's coming up next week and she just isn't prepared for it and the models are all at Cece's place and they're a little too loud for Jess' taste tonight so common sense told her that a bar probably wouldn't be crazy loud on a Tuesday evening. Her common sense was correct.

She settles in the back, in a booth tucked away in the corner, head buried in her textbook. She has to blink rapidly every now and then when the words blur together and her glass of pink wine has been sitting in front of her for over two hours with hardly more than a sip taken from it and she's pretty sure the bartender is getting annoyed with her for squatting but he can kiss her ass for all she cares.

No, that's not true. She'll leave soon, she's sure. She shoots him apologetic looks every time they make eye-contact.

It's the sudden change in music that draws Jess' attention up from her book for the first time in forty-five minutes. After a moment of searching, she spots a very tall man with very long hair standing by the juke box. She's trying to decide if losing five minutes of study time is worth getting up to yell at the monster who has the nerve to turn The Vaccines off but when he turns around all irritation goes flying out the window.

His forest green eyes drift over the empty bar disinterestedly as his head begins to gently bob along to his choice of music, a song that Jess doesn't recognize. His delicate, chiseled face is framed by a crown of shiny blonde hair that waves like majestic grass in a gentle spring breeze. When he spots her, his gaze lingers long enough for her cheeks to heat up.

Five minutes later, she watches him approach her table. She smiles shyly and nods when he asks if he can sit down with her.

The first time Jess ever kisses Spencer, she's just received her master's degree.

They've been seeing each other casually for the last several weeks and Jess is sure she's never felt so much for one person before in her whole life, including Teddy. She's twenty-three years old with two degrees and her whole life is in front of her and it's all so amazing and wonderful she just wants to _sing_.

She texts him to invite him to her graduation party and he texts back a few hours later saying he'd be happy to go and Jess chooses to ignore the face Cece makes when she reads the message over Jess' shoulder because it's all so _perfect_. She's got a good feeling about Spencer, the kind that only intensifies each time she sees him.

The moment he strolls into her party half an hour after it starts, everything else falls away. She snatches his arm and introduces him to everyone excitedly. Her mother nods approvingly when Spencer glances away and her dad merely grunts which is actually a much better reaction than she was anticipating and so with both of her parents' approval Jess pulls Spencer out to the hallway outside of Cece's apartment where the party is still going and almost knocks them both off of their feet when she leaps up to kiss him.

He stumbles back until his back hits the wall and loops his arms loosely around Jess' middle and Jess is soaring.

The first time Jess ever sleeps with Spencer, she wakes up nearly suffocating under one of his long, gangly arms.

His face is a few inches away from hers and his mouth is open, sending a puff of warm air skating across her face each time he exhales. She manages to scooch a little further up her pillow so that his arm isn't crushing her throat anymore and just stares at him for a second.

He's so pretty.

The thought keeps echoing through her brain randomly. Memories of the night before - the party, their kiss - come flooding back and she has to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from squealing excitedly. Sure, it wasn't the greatest sex she'd ever had. But he was good. Like, _good._ She definitely wasn't disappointed.

He talked a lot, though, which sort of bothered her. He would continually break her concentration. But it didn't matter in the end. Because they were both able to fall asleep satisfied.

That's what she keeps reminding herself.

Her phone is face-down on the nightstand; she rolls toward it carefully, desperately trying not to jostle him in his sleep. Eventually she's able to grab it and unlock it to see five new texts from Cece:

 _Are you planning on doing the nasty here or there?_

 _I'll take that as a there. Does he even have a bed?_

 _Ew, does he have roommates? I bet he does. He kind of seems like the type that would. What kind of grown-ass man has roommates?_

 _Oh, God, if he takes you back there and you end up getting roped into an orgy with his weird stoner roommates I'm gonna kill him AND you for being so stupid. Text me back!_

 _Okay, it's almost 3AM and you're not responding, so I'm going to sleep. If I don't hear back from you by 9 tomorrow morning I'm calling the cops!_

Jess huffs in annoyance. She knows, deep down, that Cece means well. But it's sort of unfair that she hasn't even given Spencer a chance to prove himself to her, especially considering the kind of garbage people Cece herself dates. Actually, that's not fair, there's a pretty good chance that they're at least halfway decent people in general, just...not with Cece. The second Cece laid eyes on Spencer, though, she supposedly had him pegged.

She lets her phone fall against her chest as she turns to look at him again. How could _anyone_ think they had someone has beautiful and mysterious as Spencer figured out with one look? She just wanted to curl up next to him and listen to him talk about conspiracy theories about wireless internet and government spies all day long.

She texts Cece back. _I'm fine, I'll be back later._

Spencer offers to take her out to brunch when he wakes up an hour later, and Jess agrees. She's excited both to spend time with him and to break in her new black flats she bought specifically for her graduation party.

When she decides to pursue a relationship with Spencer, she's in her car.

She's breathing pretty heavily and her makeup is running because of her salty tears but she dials his number anyways. It's not like he can see her or anything.

"Jess-Jess," his voice soothes her instantly; a smile turns her Puffy Crying Lips up into a grin.

"Hi," she chokes.

"What's wrong?"

"I just got into a fight with Cece," she says softly, dejectedly picking at the flaky leather on her steering wheel. Her car is idling in the parking lot of Cece's apartment building.

"Oh no,"

"She just doesn't think this thing we have is serious," Jess says. She hears him sigh on the other end of the line. It's a conversation they've been having for weeks now, on repeat since their first brunch together. "Look, I know you think relationships are too...constricting, or whatever, but...I don't know, man, I just want to know this is real. That I'm not just some chick you're banging in your free time."

She hears him tut at her language. "Jess-Jess," he says warningly. Something in the pit of her stomach shifts unpleasantly. "Of _course_ what we have is real. If this is _really_ a big deal for you, then...fine. I'll do it. Let's be a couple."

Her smile is blinding. "Really?"

"Of course."

The first time she tells Spencer she loves him, they're standing in their bedroom.

They've been dating for a year and Jess is finally making enough money to move out of Cece's apartment and into a house - a _house!_ \- like a real-live actual adult.

It's Spencer's grandparent's house and he asks her to move in with him two days after his grandparents are relocated to a retirement home. Jess hesitates at first, unsure that her salary as a new teacher would be enough to cover all the bills that come with being a homeowner, but the idea of sharing a home with Spencer is just too enticing to pass up.

It's been a whirlwind all day long, and Jess has hardly had time to breathe. She feels every muscle in her body ache which she doesn't really understand because it's not like they have a lot of stuff between them to move. Actually, now that she thinks about it, the majority of the stuff they have in the house is _hers_ and even though Spencer paid to rent the truck he didn't seem to help with the hauling boxes thing. He was more interested in fitting them into the back of the truck and then organizing them in tall stacks inside the house. But even beneath the exhaustion that plagues her body and the annoying recurring thought that the house still smells like old people, she feels an undeniable spark of excitement when Spencer straightens the last throw pillow on their bed.

They both stand at the foot of the bed, side-by-side, to admire their handiwork. Jess has never shared a bed with anyone before and it's kind of a weird feeling but when she looks up at Spencer and sees him smiling down at her happiness bubbles up inside her stomach and the words fall from her lips mindlessly.

"Hey, I love you."

His eyebrows raise in surprise, but his smile widens. "I love you, too, Jess-Jess."

She's dancing naked behind a large pillow when he breaks up with her.

She nearly slips on her trench coat piled up at her feet and even though ten seconds ago she was irritated by how large the pillow is it suddenly seems minuscule beneath the gaze of that foreign redhead.

"I-I can explain," Spencer says lamely, holding his hands up as if to block a physical attack. Jess just blinks, trying to comprehend the scene before her.

"Who's that?" She asks, pointing to the redhead.

"Um, uh...Jess, you need...you should go."

She cries for an hour straight before she finally catches her breath enough to tell Cece what happened and then cries for another two hours until she finally passes out on Cece's couch. When she wakes up the next morning, she's unusually quiet and somber until the models arrive to pre-game before some group shoot later that night. Cece offers to tell them to leave, but Jess waves her off.

What becomes quickly evident is that moving in with Spencer five years earlier has decimated any semblance of a savings account she might have had otherwise. She definitely can't afford a house; she can't even afford her own apartment. She barely even has any clothes at this point; it's all stuffed in one of the bigger Mary Poppins-style purses she snagged at an estate sale a few months earlier at the foot of Cece's bed. Even through the grief of losing Spencer, who Jess thinks now might have actually been the love of her life, she recognizes that she can't financially afford to be on her own.

It's around the moment she comes to this realization that she hears the models howling somewhere in Cece's kitchen. The idea of moving in with Cece again is gone. She's twenty-nine years old with a master's degree, she absolutely can't live with models again. That might have flown when she was younger and a little more naive, but those days are long gone.

She spends the rest of the evening holed up in Cece's bedroom searching roommate ads on Craigslist until one in particular catches her eye.


	2. Chapter Two

**Second chapter!**

 **You guys are the best.**

 **I don't own New Girl or anything else you recognize!**

* * *

 **'Cause It's You**

 **Chapter Two**

 **November 27, 2015**

* * *

The first time Jess ever sees Nick, she's sitting in his living room.

She's so incredibly nervous because this is the fifth apartment she's been to today and the absolute last thing she expected when the front door opened was to be greeted by three dudes but that's exactly what happened. She sits on her hands to keep from waving them around too much while she answers their questions and has to sing when her nerves get the best of her - four times so far, and she's only been there for twenty minutes. Inwardly, she winces at the three confused scowls from the couch in front of her.

The guy who said she could call him Schmidt is looking at her almost predatorily and that makes her a little uncomfortable, a feeling that only intensifies when he takes his shirt off. She feels a little better when the other two yell at him to make a contribution to what they call the "Douchebag Jar," and when they hold it out to him she notes the fact that it's half-full of crumpled dollar bills, which tells her this might actually be normal Schmidt behavior. The guy who told her his name was Coach has a sly grin that makes her a little nervous, but after sitting before him for half an hour, he doesn't seem so bad.

And then there's Nick.

He's a little unkempt and it looks like he has tiny scabs all along his exposed forearms but he's got this hard look in his brown eyes that sort of interests her. He's attractive enough and he talks with a slang and accent she thinks is Midwestern - Milwaukee, maybe - and he has a grumpy troll kind of vibe, but it's a little endearing.

Once she gets past her initial nerves, she really looks around the apartment. It is by far the nicest she's seen so far. Their ad was true - it really is very light and sun-soaked. Something Spencer never would have allowed at their house, she realizes with a pang, since he liked a darker, cozier kind of vibe. _No,_ she thinks to herself, _I need the opposite of whatever he would want. I need_ this _apartment._

Nick seems apprehensive to agree at first which she tells herself is normal because they did just meet less than an hour ago but Dirty Dancing is burning a hole through her backpack pocket and she's pretty much constantly on the verge of drowning in her own tears and in her emotionally compromised state she forgets to sugar coat those facts. They react the way all guys react when they find out her best friend is a model and then they disappear into the bathroom, leaving her alone in their kitchen.

It...wouldn't be the end of the world if she just looked around a little on her own. She's well within her rights as a potential renter to check out her potential new bedroom. It's just happenstance that it's right next to the bathroom where they're meeting to decide her fate. And the only reason she tiptoes over is to keep from stomping and annoying whoever lives below this amazing beautiful complete-opposite-of-Spencer's-taste apartment.

The spare room is beautiful and big and the closet is so large it makes her mouth water at the possibilities but the thing that captures her interest the most is that she can barely hear the echo of dude voices bouncing off the bathroom tiles through the wall. But it's not clear enough and Jess is just beyond caring at this point, she wants it so bad she throws all pretenses out the window and stands with her ear against the bathroom door.

She's shocked when she overhears them decide that she's in. _She's in._

She's wearing two hats and four coats over her dress when she ends things with Spencer for good.

She's surrounded on all sides by her new roommates and she can hear Cece loading her things into the trunk of her car somewhere behind her and Vanessa Williams is still sort of ringing in her ears along with her pounding heartbeat. Schmidt's wearing her yellow cat hat when he slaps Spencer across the face and Winston jams her pink bonnet onto his head in solidarity which is cool since they've known each other for less than twelve hours and Nick's wearing the fuzzy red beanie her mother knit for her seven years earlier when he threatens to physically harm Spencer right there in the front yard and suddenly she knows that breaking up with Spencer is probably the greatest thing that ever could have happened to her.

She relishes in being able to tell him that, in being able to watch his stupid perfect face fall when she ends it - like _really_ ends it. It's a strength she never even knew she had that courses through her veins, and even though it stings when Spencer basically accuses her of acting like a child, she feels like a powerful warrior princess slinging spears right through his chest when she fires back.

Perhaps the most jarring thing that happens is that instead of grumbling about Jess dropping - and likely breaking - the TV in the middle of the front lawn of the house she thought she'd live in forever, Nick wordlessly asks for a fist-bump on the walk back to the car. She can practically _feel_ how proud he is of her, which is a really strange feeling since she feels like he's been holding her at arm's length for the few weeks she's lived with him.

One thing's for sure: she's got a very special kind of bond with Nick.

She hopes one day he gets his chance to really end things with Caroline.

The first time Jess ever kisses Nick, her jaw aches so badly she can feel it in her temples.

She's been living with this turtle-faced weirdo for over a year and maybe it's the way that he always _always_ protects her and is _so grumpy_ about it that makes her adore him but she's never wanted to punch someone in the face and then immediately make out with them at the same time until that exact moment.

It's partially out of frustration with their entire situation that she snaps. They're adults for goodness' sake, shouldn't they be able to just say how they feel about each other and move on with their lives? He ruined her relationship with Sam with one mind-blowing kiss, and somehow he's kept her strung along this whole time so that she hasn't really had a chance to explore other potential relationships. And he has the nerve to date his boss and _lie_ about it? And then he acts like it's _entirely her fault?_

She'd never even seriously thought _twice_ about Nick like _that_ until that night he lost the trench coat and she saw through space and time, and now, suddenly, he's exactly what she's been looking for in a guy all along? The nerve.

It's also partially out of a very deep-seated need to prove herself, and the challenge he presented to her was just too enticing to ignore. And, okay, she really hasn't been able to stop thinking about the first time they kissed - when he grabbed her like she belonged in his arms all along and kissed her like it was their combined destiny. She's been wondering if it's just a fluke. There's no way he's that good a kisser all the time.

It isn't until he backs her all the way up to the table that she's able to form a coherent thought. _Remember the first time you kissed Spencer?_

 _Remember how he almost fell over?_

Nick's arms are strong and secure around her, lifting her up off the floor and pulling her in closer to him, and even though she's secretly always kind of thought that Nick might possibly be a _little_ on the pudgy side (in a totally cute way), suddenly he's a warm, solid rock that is absolutely unmovable to any force of nature. He's a hurricane ripping at her with gale force winds that destroys any tiny mote of her ability to run or walk or even _stand_ on her own. He takes her again, claims her mouth with his own, tongue swiping through her possessively. It makes Jess' heart skip and her knees tremble in an incredibly pleasant way.

He somehow manages to shatter _an entire aquarium_ while demanding she undress and _ugh GOD_ sometimes she just wants to _kill him_ but also she wants to kiss him so when she storms into her bedroom she immediately regrets it and rushes back out to finish what she started, just to find him rushing to meet her halfway and he nearly sweeps her off her feet again just trying to get a grip around her.

And then they push away from each other and she's ready to kill him again.

Maybe one day it won't be so damn complicated.

The first time Jess ever sleeps with Nick, she wakes up to the feel of his fingers pressing against her neck.

She's _never_ spent the night with a guy and been the last one to wake up, and yet when she rolls to her side to sleepily ask if he was checking her pulse she registers that he's wide awake and grinning like an idiot. _Man_ Nick's got a nice smile - she never really noticed before because he doesn't really ever seem to smile - and it's really infectious so she giggles and he laughs and then it all hits her.

If she saw through space and time with a kiss, she was transported to a whole other dimension in sleeping with him. He was absolutely hands-down the best sex she'd ever had, even compared to Sam. With Sam it was all carnal lust, rough, dizzying passion, the kind where she really just had to hold on and hope she didn't get blown away.

With Nick, she felt all of that, but there was something else too that she'd never experienced before. He's still grinning when he urges her to stay in his bed (even though there's definitely something lumpy and soft pressing uncomfortably against her lower back) and it isn't until he practically bounds out of his bedroom door completely naked that she realizes what it was that made the sex so fantastic.

She'd felt...safe. Protected. Worshipped. He hadn't spoken, in true Nick Miller style, other than to ask her if she was sure, but the looks he gave her combined with the way his hands touched and caressed her stirred something deep inside of her that she'd never felt before, and darn it if she doesn't want more.

She watches him throw boxers and a t-shirt on and when he runs out into the hallway she pulls a half-eaten soft pretzel out from beneath her and stares at it in confusion. But she's happy, so unbelievably happy, even by her own ridiculous standards. She hears the sounds of pots and pans hitting the counter in the kitchen and knows she's in for one hell of a ride with Mr. Turtle Face.

When she decides to pursue a relationship with Nick, she's wearing a sari that is the exact same shade of blue as her eyes.

Her heart aches for Cece and Schmidt nearly ran her over when he sprinted out of the temple for whatever reason but it isn't enough to distract her from the hole in her chest where her heart had been just this morning. She knew her father wouldn't approve, he hadn't approved of any guy since Spencer, but his harsh words still affected her deeply.

And it seems as though they had a similar effect on Nick. He'd called it, basically told her to go home, and she's so hurt that she can't even remember what she said to him when she walked away. All she knew at the time was that she needed to leave _right then_ to avoid crying in front of him.

 _How the hell does this hurt so much? We aren't even dating,_ she wonders. She idles beside her car, fingers draped loosely over the door handle, before glancing back up at the temple. The lights are still blazing and members of Cece's and Shivrang's families are running around trying to help pull down decorations, but her roommates (or at least the two she knows are still inside) are nowhere to be seen. For just a brief moment she wonders if Winston is still in the air ducts, but then she sees someone carrying Bucky through the entryway in a small cage and the moment is over.

How could he just give up on her like that? There has to be something different about them; she's never waited so long for a payoff in a relationship just to only get one night. _This can't be end of the story,_ she thinks. _Not when it's been so long in the making_.

She resolves to stomp back inside to give Nick a piece of her mind, tears streaming down her face be damned. She makes it to the other side of her car and twists her sari around her fingers in an attempt to steel herself when suddenly the door to the temple swings open and Nick comes jogging out with his jacket slung over his shoulder.

He barely even gives her a chance to state her case before he has her pressed up against the side of the car and she doesn't care that the passenger's side door handle is digging into her lower back or that he accidentally pulled a chunk of her ponytail out of the band holding it all in place when he grabbed her head because all she can think about is how absolutely ridiculously _right_ it feels to be in his arms. His kisses are rough and dominant, she's learned, and in that moment he's kissing her more fiercely than she's ever been kissed before and all she can think about is how he literally feels like the puzzle piece that's been missing her whole life.

A week later she stands in the filthy, tattered remains of her sari in an empty room at a Mexican resort holding Winston's shirt and pants while he tries to puzzle Nick's passport back together but she can't help the love that bursts in her chest for her little slightly dysfunctional family and she knows from the soft, secret smiles Nick gives her when Winston and Schmidt aren't looking that he really is _all in_ with her.

The first time she tells Nick she loves him, she's wearing Prince's dress.

It's not exactly the situation she imagined she'd be in by the end of the night when she found out earlier that day that she was going to a Prince party but it ends up being so much better because not only is she finally able to throw all caution to the wind with Nick, she got to spend over an _hour_ eating pancakes and playing ping pong and learning about love with Prince himself in his house and honestly who else in the world can say that?

Nick's drunkenly dancing in the middle of the dance floor all by himself but he seems to sober almost instantly upon spotting her. His grin is as blinding as it was the first morning they woke up together and he nearly breaks a tooth when he lunges for her after she screams that she loves him _twice_ at the top of her lungs. She can feel people pressed up against them on all sides but her senses are assaulted by Nick, who smells like liquor and Old Spice and something else she has never smelled anywhere else that she just calls _Nick_ and it makes her feel so safe and secure and she loves him _so much_ it _hurts_.

She's pretty keen to let go of him, though, when Prince motions for her to join him on stage. She jumps behind the microphone still shouting and she sees Winston and Schmidt and Cece and Coach rush forward around Nick, all of them wearing identical masks of disbelief when she starts singing, which only intensify when she waves them up on stage with her.

She doesn't know how she knows the words but they're there, at the forefront of her brain, and she spins and twirls and laughs because this is the single craziest thing that has ever happened to her in her entire life and she's _so glad_ everyone's there with her because she might believe that this is real tomorrow when she wakes up.

Nick helps her pick confetti out of her hair the next morning and whispers that he loves her each time he untangles a piece and she literally feels like she's going to explode with pure unadulterated joy.

He's eerily quiet when they break up.

Everything hurts.

The bed is ruined, a literal physical symbol of their relationship. She smells ashes when she chokes back tears and Nick looks at her like he wants to save her but knows he can't.

Jess loves Abby dearly even if she has been working through the whole embarrassment thing but...she kind of hates her at that moment. Part of her knows she and Nick had issues before Abby arrived, but Abby brought them into a stark, harsh light. She magnified them and proved just how un-fixable they really are.

She lays on the floor beside her destroyed side of the bed and curses Schmidt for stealing her room. She curses Abby and then silently cries because she didn't mean it.

She didn't mean any of it. But it's too late to take it all back.


	3. Chapter Three

**Last chapter!**

 **I'd like to give a special shout-out to** Ness fan 01 **for giving me a push in the right direction on this piece. You are much appreciated, friend! Thank you for the words of encouragement!**

 **I don't own New Girl or anything else you recognize (and there is a lot of that in this chapter)!**

* * *

 **'Cause It's You**

 **Chapter Three**

 **November 27, 2015**

* * *

She's wearing the same flats she wore after her first night with Spencer when she unbreaks up with Nick.

She wakes up at 2:48 AM on a Tuesday morning to the sound of Nick's ringtone piercing the silence of her room. It's the first time she's heard it in two months and for a second she freezes, letting a wave of nostalgia and pain wash through her chest. He hasn't hardly made eye-contact with her in those two months, going out of his way to spend as much time as possible outside of the loft and hiding from her while he was forced to be in the loft.

Something must be terribly, terribly wrong.

"Nick?" She murmurs when she answers.

"Actually it's Big Bob." She isn't sure if it's disappointment or relief or fear that washes through her, but she sighs all the same. "Nicky's really drunk. You mind coming down and picking him up?"

"Oh, uh…" _Say no, Jess. Say no._ "No, um...I don't mind."

She sounds defeated at the end, but Bob doesn't notice. "See you in a few."

She doesn't bother throwing jeans on; just a large sweatshirt she finds at the bottom of her closet on top of her pajama shorts. Her flats are upturned close to her door, so she slides those on and grabs her purse and quietly steps out of her bedroom.

It isn't until she slowly locks the front door that she remembers Schmidt is with Cece and Coach is out with his new girlfriend and Winston has an overnight shift so she's the only one home.

Bob opens the door to the bar for her five minutes later and nods toward a booth at the back of the bar when Jess quietly asks where Nick is. "This one locks the front door," he says, picking the key with the blue paint up and shaking it for her. "Just have Nicky give 'em back tomorrow."

She salutes and locks the door behind him and turns to appraise Nick - or at least, what she can see of him. His feet are hanging over the edge of the booth, pointed down, since he's lying on his stomach. Jess approaches slowly and slips in across the table from him. He doesn't say anything but she can hear how heavily he's breathing so she gives him a minute, choosing instead to swing her legs around under the table idly to pass the silence.

"M'sorry, Jess," he says in a voice that is hoarse from lack of sleep and alcohol and an emotion she has become all too familiar with in the previous eight weeks.

"It's okay," she says unsteadily, "are you okay?"

"No. I'm not okay."

She winces and stares down hard at the table. She feels bad; he probably meant for Bob to call Winston or Schmidt. She's probably the last person he wants to see right now.

He pushes himself up slowly, his arms moving sluggishly, until he's semi-upright and leaning forward. His eyes search her face beneath drooping eyelids. Her elementary teacher maternal instincts kick in and override her guilt.

"I'm gonna go get you some water, okay? Stay right here." He pulls a face like he's about to argue that he doesn't need water, but after a hard eyebrow raise he sighs and nods. She manages to find one of the big pint glasses she sees him serve beer in sometimes and she fills that all the way up to the top and spills a little on the way back when the loosened sole of one of her flats catches on the floor.

He doesn't reach for the glass when she puts it on the table so she pushes it toward him and sternly says "Drink all of this."

He does. She watches his Adam's apple bob each time he gulps and tries to repress memories of the feeling of that Adam's apple moving against her skin when he released quiet, strangled moans late at night in bed with her. She fails miserably.

"Jess I _miss_ you," he says it quickly and he slurs his words and she almost doesn't hear because of the sound of his glass hitting the table.

It's too much for her to hope that he means it the way she misses him, so she just smiles. "I'm right here, you clown,"

She tags that last bit on without thinking and feels her heart throb painfully.

His face twists in anguish and he lifts a hand to blearily rub at his eyes. "That's not what I mean," he moans. She bites her lip and takes his cup back behind the bar for another refill just to have something to do. "I just, I meant that...I dunno, Jess."

Her heart's starting to thud excitedly, because he's acting like he still loves her the way she still desperately loves him, but she clamps down inside her brain on the hope that has started to grow. "You're drunk," she reminds herself as she sits.

"Mmmmyeah," he concedes and chugs his water and blinks rapidly. His eyes look a little more clear. "But that doesn't change that I miss you," he says as he slams the glass down again.

She _really_ needs something to do with her hands. Bob's keys lay dormant and forgotten to the side, so she pulls them closer to her and fingers them idly. She fights an internal war briefly, before she gets the best of herself. "D'you still love me?" She asks slowly.

He stares at her silently for precisely four seconds, just long enough for her to regret every decision she's made that has lead her to that moment, before his mouth opens again. "Obviously I still love you, Jessica." Heat shoots through her entire body and even though she fights against it she can't stop the smile that slowly creeps over her face. "M'gonna regret that tomorrow, prob'ly," he mumbles.

She remembers him shifting past her without looking at her in the hallways at home. She remembers him rushing from the bathroom to the front door without making eye-contact with her on the couch. She remembers the pain of knowing he's been right there without being able to do anything about it.

The one thing she knows is that breaking up with him was the biggest mistake she's made in her life so far and she wants nothing more than to take it all back. She's a fiercely independent woman but God she's just felt so lost without him.

But she doesn't get to hope that he wants her back, since she's the one who ended it.

"Probably," she says with a laugh she doesn't really feel. She nods slowly and drops her gaze to the tabletop, and in her peripheral she can see him dropping his head in defeat.

 _There's no way…_

"But you won't be the only one with regrets." She says, ignoring the way her gut seems to be screaming. His head snaps up and he seems to recoil a little, like she's about to reach out and strike him. Which, now that she thinks about it, she might actually be symbolically doing.

She sucks in a shaky breath, squares her shoulders, and says, "I still love you too, Nick."

It's clear he's having a hard time comprehending what she's said through the booze still muddling his system. "But we broke up," he says dumbly.

"Yeah. Startin' to think that was a mistake," she laughs feebly at what a monumental understatement it is. "Honestly...I've never been more miserable in my entire life."

And it's true. More miserable than losing Sam, more miserable than breaking up with Russell or Paul or even Spencer, more miserable than learning about her parents' divorce. It all pales in comparison to losing Nick.

"But me too," he says, leaning forward eagerly. His fingers stretch out like he's about to grab her hands and she really wishes he would but he stops just centimeters away. "I'm so sad, Jess, I'm such a wreck, you have no idea…"

She doesn't, she realizes, because she's been avoiding him just as much as he's been avoiding her, and it's like having a black hole in her chest where the sun used to shine.

"I can't remember why I thought it was a good idea for us to break up," she says softly.

Nick scrambles around the half-circle booth frantically which makes her laugh and he stops when their thighs are pressed together. "Let's not, then, let's not break up," he says and his breath smells like Heisler and whiskey but he still smells exactly the way he used to and she can feel her body reacting to it. Everything calms, everything quiets, and she just wants to bury her head in his chest and have him hold her for the rest of eternity.

But her English teacher senses are tingling. "We're already broken up, dummy."

"Then let's _un_ break up!"

Even the English teacher senses fall quiet. She furrows her brow and tries to figure out if this is some kind of fantastic highly-detailed dream. "Nick, you're drunk." She says, speaking to herself just as much as him. "You probably won't even remember this tomorrow."

He's already shaking his head before she finishes speaking and he shakes it so hard she's positive he'll have whiplash the next day and she laughs because it's such a Nick thing for him to do. "I know, I know, but...I'm not blackout drunk, I'm not that far gone right now, I'm gonna remember this."

"How do I know? What if we unbreak up and then tomorrow you won't look at me again?"

Her voice cracks but luckily he doesn't seem to notice. He stares down at her hands hard, like he's concentrating on memorizing them, before slowly reaching out and taking her right in his left. He pulls it closer to him and begins running the tips of his fingers over the back of her hand. She peers up at him and has to bite her lip to keep from gasping; his eyes are closed and his lips are parted. That feeling of safety and protection are back for the first time in two months and she feels like she's been lost in a blizzard and has finally found her way back home. He folds his right hand over hers and holds her hand between his carefully, like she's some delicate priceless gem that will shatter if handled too roughly, and his eyelids flutter open slowly. "There's no way I'll forget that," he mumbles. "I've dreamt it a few times, but...your skin, I can never imagine your skin right. Or your hair."

She's sure on some level that's kind of creepy, but she knows exactly what he means, because she experiences the same thing except with the way that he smells. She can feel tears welling in her eyes and concern flashes through his. "No, please, Jess...don't cry, that's the one thing I can't handle right now…"

She turns away and wipes the stray tears that have fallen on the sleeve of her sweatshirt but she knows her lips are doing that weird thing they do when she cries because when she turns back around he's gazing at her lips and oh _God_ she really wants to kiss him.

"I'll make you a deal," she says through her stuffy nose. "If you can remember this conversation in the morning, we're unbroken up."

She drives them home and he looks at her with a dark, intense gaze that makes her stomach flip before she opens her bedroom door and disappears behind it. She spends the next three hours lying awake staring at her rapidly brightening ceiling until she finally gives up and rolls out of bed to get dressed for the day. She dresses in silence and walks to the kitchen to make herself some coffee because either way she's in for one hell of a day waiting to hear or not hear from Nick but when she turns around after replacing the milk in the fridge he's right there behind her and suddenly her back's against the fridge and Nick is kissing her more desperately than he's ever kissed her before and she absolutely melts against him, unable to stop the embarrassing noises that vibrate in her throat as her brain is overridden with pleasure.

"I remember," he murmurs against her lips and she wonders why she ever thought he would forget.

She calls in sick and drags him to her bedroom and and they don't emerge until she hears Winston come home around six o'clock that evening.

She's standing in the exact same spot where she was when she heard about her parents' divorce when Nick proposes to her.

She feels kind of bad because she knows he's been trying to plan this for a while now but honestly it's his own fault because she found out approximately ten minutes after Winston did because Winston was so excited he just couldn't keep his mouth shut. But she definitely wasn't expecting it in the kitchen.

She's only halfway through the saga of her friendship with Cece; they're stopping by her mother's for lunch, and then they have a full schedule for the rest of the day. She figured he'd wait until she took him to her heartbreak pond.

But she can't stop herself from jumping up and down when he slides the ring over her finger and she barely registers just how shiny it is before he kisses her and picks her up and spins her around and she's the embodiment of happiness.

Abby stomps down the stairs to yell at them to be quiet but her face falls slack with shock when Jess shows her the ring and honestly it's the greatest feeling in the world.

She throws her master's degree flats away the morning she marries Nick.

They're so torn up that they're hardly even functional as house shoes anymore since the left one has a hole up near her toes. She'd intended to wear them all morning while getting ready with Cece and Abby and her mom, but when she nearly dies tripping in Cece's kitchen after that damn loose sole catches on the carpet, she realizes it's time to throw them out.

Cece helps her to her feet and proudly holds the trashcan when Jess slams them like a football player who's just scored a touchdown because all she feels is complete and total elation at being able to throw away the last tie she has to Spencer.

She trots around the apartment barefoot for the rest of the morning, eager to begin getting ready and annoyed that she has to wait for her mother and sister to arrive. Eventually they do and Jess indulges in excited squeals and bone-crushing hugs from her mother that come every five minutes after she walks through the door and punches to the arm she supposes are supposed to be light but really really hurt that come from Abby and even though Jess is pretty sure she'll have bruises all over her arm tomorrow she knows it's Abby's way of saying 'I love you' so she just smiles through the pain.

It also helps to remember that she'll get to inspect those bruises with her new _husband._

Cece loads Jess' dress in the limo first, making sure to keep it as straight as possible, and then she loads her and Abby's and Joan's dresses in and then Jess climbs in followed by Cece and Abby and Joan and they pop a bottle of champagne and toast to Jess and Jess already feels so overwhelmed with love and gratitude and the day hasn't even really started yet.

She prances through the grass buzzed and still barefoot toward the bridal trailer once they arrive at the park and giggles like a schoolgirl when Cece loops her arm through Jess' and they skip - like _actually skip_ \- to the door of the trailer and Jess feels so light and happy and everything about this day is so perfect so far because her mom's here and Abby's here and Cece's here and everyone's getting along for once and she's going to have a husband in a matter of hours and _Nick_ is going to be her husband and oh God she just might cry.

She does cry, but only for a moment, because Cece snaps at her to dry it up before she starts slathering on white eye shadow and then Joan thrusts a glass of pink wine into Jess' hand and everything is perfect and wonderful again.

An hour later Abby announces from her perch beside the window that the guys are finally here and Jess darts to her sister's side, eagerly peeking through the blinds. She sees the guys dressed casually but with suits in garment bags slung over their shoulders approaching the groom's trailer which is kind of sad in size when compared to the bridal trailer but honestly could they really blame her for that? And they're all grinning and laughing and horsing around except for Nick who's staring pretty intently at the bridal trailer while Schmidt attempts to unlock the groom's trailer door. Jess feels her face heat up at the hungry look on Nick's face and she's pretty much ready to throw the door open and chase him down right then and there because despite what she thought back when she was planning all of this, she hasn't seen Nick in a week and it's the absolute worst idea she's ever had.

Luckily before she can get her hand on the door handle Schmidt gets the groom's trailer unlocked and Cece drags Jess back to the makeup chair as the guys disappear from view. The wedding is set to begin in two hours and Jess is fairly sure she's going to die.

Cece finishes Jess' makeup and starts in on her messy hair and Jess closes her eyes and thanks whoever is listening for putting Cece in her life because honestly Cece is the reason Jess has been able to do all of the amazing things she's done since they were kids and Jess is pretty sure Cece's the only reason she was even able to meet Nick because she's the reason Jess came to LA to begin with and none of this would have ever happened without Cece. She's crying again and sort of whimpering her thanks to Cece and even though Cece makes a fuss she smiles a soft smile and whispers that she loves Jess too when she comes around to wipe off the eyeliner that's started to run down Jess' face.

Joan giggles and laughs over the rim of her sixth glass of champagne and tells stories about Abby and Jess from when they were kids that they've all heard a thousand times but Jess smiles like she's hearing it all for the first time, bursting with love and gratitude even when Abby sighs like an angsty teenager and yells profanities when Joan gets too sentimental. Jess tells them that she loves both of them so much and Joan cries and Abby blows a raspberry through her smile.

Eventually Jess is able to get her hair and her makeup done simultaneously which leaves the daunting task of actually getting the mess of white lace in the large garment bag that's been hanging by the door since they got there onto her body and normally Jess would be incredibly intimidated but Cece squeezes her forearm reassuringly and Jess is the image of calm. Cece unzips the bag and eases it over the hanger until it falls to the floor and the four women pause and sigh dreamily and simultaneously at the image of perfection hanging before them. Jess and Cece camped out overnight outside of a bridal boutique in downtown LA before it's annual sale and she managed to snag this dress - the last in her size - for a quarter of its original cost. It was, by far, one of the greatest moments of their friendship.

It takes a while to ease the dress over Jess' shoulders and even longer yet to get the corset tied in the back, but eventually the dress is situated and Jess' boobs and butt look great and she's able to look in the mirror and smile because she looks like a gorgeous ethereal glowy version of herself and she can tell by the three pairs of glassy eyes that gaze at her in the mirror that she looks really, _really_ good.

Suddenly the bridal trailer is chaotic and loud as Joan and Abby and Cece all scramble to get ready and Jess slips on the shoes Cece let her borrow and shuffles over to the corner where Abby was sitting and peeks through the blinds again. The groom's trailer is still sitting exactly where it was earlier, though she notes that the boys had opened the blinds at some point, which offers her a view inside. She can see Coach and Schmidt standing toward the back, facing each other, grinning at something she can't see and drinking Heislers. They turn toward the interior of the trailer and Coach says something that makes Schmidt laugh and Jess wishes she could have a chance to talk to them before the ceremony because dammit they're her friends too and she deserves a chance to thank them for everything they've done for her.

A car pulls up beyond the groom's trailer and then a second one parks behind it and Nick's entire extended family piles out of the first while her father climbs out of the second. Bob looks at the Miller clan warily until he spots Bonnie, who goes out of her way to hug Bob. She pulls back and grasps his shoulders and says something, and Bob nods and points toward the bridal trailer excitedly.

Jess steps back and smooths the skirt of her gown over her hips nervously when she sees Bob offer his arm to Bonnie to lead her toward the bridal trailer. She tells the girls that Bob and Bonnie are on the way and Joan only looks a little apprehensive but she still smiles brightly when the door to the trailer opens and Bob steps in.

Bob cries in front of Jess for the first time ever and Jess has to stare at the ceiling and blink really hard to stop herself from crying and when he pulls away he tells her how proud he is over her and how beautiful she is and how much he loves her and Jess isn't sure how much more of this love she can take. Bonnie smiles timidly when Jess looks at her over her father's shoulder and squeezes her gently when Jess hugs her. She whispers thank you for loving him, welcome to my family in Jess' ear and Jess is done for, two fat tears running down her face, and she sees Cece shake her head and smile.

Bonnie leaves when Jaime starts screaming about wanting to see Nick and Bob sits in a chair in the corner while Cece redoes Jess' makeup for the third time and Joan fixes Abby's hair. Eventually they hear a knock at the door and the officiant enters, smiling warmly at Jess when she leaps up to greet him. He tells her that it's just about time and the girls need to get ready because the guests are here and the guys are about to line up.

Cece thrusts Jess' bouquet into her hands and Bob offers her his arm and Joan stands at the door to let them know when all of the guys are lined up because they can't go out until the guys are gone and Jess' heart is pounding and she's so excited she can hardly stand it.

Everything starts to get real when Joan opens the bridal trailer door and steps out, and then Abby, and then Cece, and then her father climbs out and offers her his hand and she's shaking but he keeps her steady and they start to walk arm-in-arm after Cece and through the trees Jess can see flashes of white and off in the distance she hears kids playing soccer and she's absolutely never been more thankful because it takes just enough of the edge off for her to keep going.

She sees the audience stand and she grips her bouquet a little tighter with one hand and almost stumbles in her heels when Bob steps forward before she's ready but the second they set foot onto the long carpeted aisle and she sees Nick the whole world stops.

She can't think of words to describe him.

He's so unbelievably handsome.

He's perfect.

He's everything.

He's...crying. She sees a few tears streak town his face and he looks a little confused by it at first, blinking and glancing down like he's trying to figure out what's happening, but then he looks back up at her and his brows crease and he slaps a hand over his face as his shoulders raise like he's about to sob and Jess releases a shaky breath because she's just bursting with love for this man. She sees Schmidt take a step forward and pat Nick's shoulder reassuringly but Nick never breaks eye-contact with her.

She remembers the confused scowl he appraised her through that first afternoon back when she was interviewing for the spare bedroom and she almost laughs at how far they've come.

It seems like an eternity passes before she makes it down the aisle but she finally reaches Nick and almost bounces out of her shoes while waiting for Bob's cue. She practically leaps into Nick's arms when the time comes and he pulls her so close she's pretty sure the audience can't see the officiant anymore but it doesn't matter because she wants to be as close as humanly possible to the man before her.

She doesn't remember much about the ceremony other than the way Nick's eyes seem darker and more smouldering than she's ever seen them but she supposes she says all of her parts correctly because by the end of it she's wearing a new sparkly wedding band that matches Nick's silver band. She doesn't even care that Nick jumps the gun because he dips her back so far she's pretty sure her head brushes the ground and she waves Schmidt off when he smacks Nick's back indignantly at the PDA overkill.

Mr. and Mrs. Miller. _Mr. and Mrs. Miller_. Nick throws an arm over her shoulders and tucks her into his side and she slips an arm around his waist beneath his suit jacket as the audience cheers. Nick glances down at her and then they walk down the aisle in tandem and into the trees where Nick immediately backs her into a tree with a wide trunk and kisses her firmly.

They're only offered a few moments of solitude before they're pulled apart by a squealing Cece and Schmidt and then Abby and Winston and then Joan and Coach and then suddenly both of their families are there and she's sort of pulled away from him and it's weird because she misses him desperately and she can still smell his cologne lingering on her where he had his arm draped across her just moments earlier. Jess motions for the photographer to start mostly because she knows it's a perfect excuse to be close to Nick again and he looks just as relieved as she feels when he gets to her again.

She feels bad because she sort of ignores the photographer's instructions and she can hear how irritated he's getting but dammit her husband looks so incredibly handsome and she just wants to look at his face all day. Plus she doesn't want cheesy posed photos, she wants moments of authenticity in her family, even if it means Coach and Winston are arguing in the back of a few and Cece is making eyes and Schmidt and Abby is constantly rolling her eyes.

Eventually the photographer gives up and Jess leads Nick to the limo they would take in solitude to the reception venue and the second the door closes behind him he's kissing her desperately, mumbling his thanks between kisses, and Jess thinks that if he doesn't stop she's going to tell the limo driver to pull over because holy crap she needs her vitamin D so bad but since she's not Beyonce she just laughs and pushes him away and tries to cool off with a glass of champagne but then he kisses the champagne bubbles off her lips and she sighs with happiness.

Nick offers her his hand when they pull up outside of the venue and she almost stumbles when her shoe catches in the skirt of her dress but Nick catches her and helps her straighten up and she grumbles about her pinched toes in the stupid pumps Cece let her borrow. Nick's in the middle of offering to help her take them off when suddenly the doors open and the DJ is announcing the arrival of _Mr. and Mrs. Miller and oh my God it's real it's all real she's his and he's hers forever finally_.

They dance for the first time as a married couple to "Faithfully" by Journey because she sort of felt like it fit their vibe and plus Nick said he didn't care back when she asked him several months previously. Even though she was worried he'd think it's cheesy he seems completely and totally disappointed at just how short the song is at the end and he lets go of her reluctantly so that she can dance with her father and then she stands to the side and smiles when Nick and Bonnie dance.

Eventually Nick walks toward her looking slightly self-conscious and he takes her hand and leads her toward the head table where plates full of really incredible food sit waiting for them. She smiles shyly when Nick pulls her chair out for her and waits until he tucks into his plate beside her before starting on her food. She gets two bites in when Joan hits her champagne glass with her fork and the toasts start and Jess is just openly crying but it's okay because Nick has his arm around her and he squeezes reassuringly and smiles at her so lovingly between toasts and she wonders what on earth she did to deserve such joy in her life.

The moment the toasts finish up a few of her old students she'd invited approach the table and timidly ask for selfies and even though Jess is starving she agrees enthusiastically and Nick stands too looking a little apprehensive but he holds her hips as they wind their way out from behind the head table and she knows he'd follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him to.

A few selfies later and they're completely overrun by party goers and Jess finds herself separated from Nick. She looks for him between bodies and experiences a mild kind of concern that only calms once she spots him in the midst of his great-aunts. She smiles at his look of desperation from the middle of a group of her cousins and is about to go save him when -

"I Always Knew" by The Vaccines cuts off half-way and Jess cranes her neck to find Schmidt excitedly plugging his phone into the DJ's soundboard while the DJ adjusts volumes and suddenly the dulcet tones of Phil Collins are filtering through the speakers and Nick is already skidding to a stop in the middle of the dance floor, looking around wildly.

She lifts the skirt of her dress and rushes out to meet him as quickly as Cece's heels will allow and nearly slips before she reaches him but he catches her for the second time that evening just as Phil Collins begins to sing and she laughs and kisses the corner of his jaw before pulling away and breaking into a slow-motion "Groovy Kind of Love" chicken dance. Nick immediately mirrors her movements and she can see Schmidt and Winston dancing to her left while simultaneously swatting at a motionless and confused-looking Coach until he, too, drops into the chicken dance. She can hear the crowd laughing and cheering and she laughs because she's absolutely positive she's never been so happy in her entire life.

 _Dear twenty-nine-year-old Jess,_ she thinks as the song ends and Nick pulls her in for a kiss to the raucous delight of their friends and family. _I know things kind of suck right now._

 _I know you're heartbroken and lonely._

 _I know you're tired of living on Cece's couch._

Nick pulls her in for their second slow-dance of the evening and she can see people pairing off all around her but her gaze only lingers on Cece and Schmidt for a second before she's drawn back to Nick. Heat pools in her belly at the thought of what's coming later but for now she's just so happy and she can't stop whispering that she loves him and he kisses her every time she says it.

 _Things may seem kind of crappy right now, but just hang in there. I promise you things will get better. There are so many amazing things coming._

"You're the most incredible person I've ever met in my entire life," he murmurs in her ear. "You're so amazing and unbelievably sweet and ridiculously gorgeous and I love you so much it...like, it physically _hurts_. I can't even tell ya. There aren't words, Jess. I love you."

Jess closes her eyes, threads her fingers through the soft hair at the base of Nick's head, and smiles.

 _Trust me._


End file.
